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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27473719">>karkat: panic over feelings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakespearebutworse/pseuds/shakespearebutworse'>shakespearebutworse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, feferi kinda sucks in this, this is my first homestuck fic so please excuse anything out of character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:20:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27473719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakespearebutworse/pseuds/shakespearebutworse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>also known as: in which Karkat has pale feelings for Eridan and does not know how to deal with them, and Eridan just wants someone to talk to.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eridan Ampora/Karkat Vantas, erikar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. oh god of fuck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>&gt; Karkat: panic over feelings </p><p>Already doing that? Great, because oh god of fuck, you have miraculously caught pale feelings for Eridan fucking Ampora. Eridan, a man who would absolutely cull you if he had the chance. Yes, great job Karkat, this is great, just fine. What have you done to deserve this punishment? You guess this is what you get for being an asshole with freaky red blood.</p><p>Ok, maybe you’ll be fine if you can just avoid him until you get over yourself. He’ll be fine not talking to you for a while, right? It's not like you two are particularly close. You mean you guess you talk a few times a week, and he does kind of go to you for all of his problems, and you also go to him when you need advice or need to vent. Anyways, he has a moirail already, although he has mentioned that he’s secretly been red for her this whole time, but you wouldn’t want to get in the way of their moirallegiance. There’s no way he’d even consider being in a quadrant with you anyways, so you should probably just get over it and- fuck someones messaging you. (please don’t be Eridan. Please be literally anyone other than Eridan)  </p><p class="pesterlog">-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --</p><p class="eridan">CA: kar</p><p class="eridan">CA: kaarrrrrr</p><p>No. nope. Absolutely not. This isn’t happening. What have you done to deserve this? You knew the universe hated you but come on, this is just a bit extreme don’t you think?</p><p class="eridan"></p><p>CA: kar I can see that you’re online, and you normally don’t havve anythin better to do, so answwer me</p><p class="karkat">CG: WHAT.</p><p class="karkat">CG: WHAT IN THE WORLD COULD YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?</p><p class="eridan">CA: kar please, i actually havve somethin important to talk about</p><p class="eridan">CA: it’s about me and fef</p><p class="karkat">CG: OK, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?</p><p class="eridan">CA: so you knoww howw i wwas goin to tell her that my feelins wwere more red?</p><p class="karkat">CG: YES, GET TO THE FUCKING POINT.</p><p class="eridan">CA: wwell</p><p class="eridan">CA: she also had somethin to tell me</p><p class="eridan">CA: kar she</p><p class="eridan">CA: she fuckin broke up wwith me</p><p class="karkat">CG: OH SHIT DUDE.</p><p class="karkat">CG: THAT FUCKING SUCKS IM SORRY.</p><p class="eridan">CA: like yea a deservved it</p><p class="eridan">CA: because i wwas an awwful moirail and ovverall just a bad friend in general</p><p class="eridan">CA: but it still hurts</p><p class="karkat">CG: OK, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, BEING HER MOIRAIL WHEN YOU WANTED HER IN A DIFFERENT QUADRANT IS KINDA MESSED UP.</p><p class="karkat">CG: BUT SHE WAS ALSO A PRETTY BAD MOIRAIL.</p><p class="karkat">CG: I MEAN YOU SAID YOU FELT LIKE YOU COULDN'T EVEN GO TO HER ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, WHICH IS USUALLY BAD IN A MOIRALLEGIANCE.</p><p class="karkat">CG: WAIT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT HER LUSUS?</p><p class="eridan">CA: wwell obvviously im gonna still feed fefs lusus</p><p class="eridan">CA: that's still kinda my job</p><p class="eridan">CA: honestly i wwouldnt be surprised if she wwas only my ‘rail to feed her lusus</p><p class="eridan">CA: hey kar can i ask a kinda weird question</p><p class="karkat">CG: SURE, FUCKING GO FOR IT I GUESS.</p><p class="eridan">CA: can i come ovver to your hivve for a wwhile?</p><p class="eridan">CA: i'll bring snacks and anythin you need</p><p class="eridan">CA: just, please?</p><p class="eridan">CA: i don't wwanna be alone</p><p>No. no no no no. nope. Not a chance. There is no way in hell you are going to say yes, because, haha what if he gets to close to you and realizes how freakishly warm you are, and is like, ‘hey uh i knoww wwere like friends and stuff but im goin to havve to cull you for bein a mutant, and then probably myself for not noticin what you wwere.’ And every part of your pan is screaming at you to say no, to tell him to fuck out of your life. But instead you say,</p><p class="karkat"></p><p>CG: SURE, STAY AS LONG AS YOU LIKE, I REALLY DON'T CARE.</p><p class="karkat">CG: BRING WHATEVER SNACKS YOU WANT.</p><p class="karkat">CG: OH, AND BRING SOME MOVIES TOO.</p><p class="eridan">CA: wwait, really?</p><p class="karkat">CG: SURE IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO ANYWAYS.</p><p class="karkat">CG: WHEN YOU GET HERE JUST RING THE DOORBELL INSTEAD OF KNOCKING</p><p class="karkat">CG: ALSO, IF YOU'RE TOO ANNOYING I HAVE FULL AUTHORITY TO KICK YOU OUT.</p><p class="eridan">CA: of course, ill be there in maybe 15</p><p class="pesterlog">-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] -- </p><p>Oh god, why did you agree to this. I mean it's not like Eridan hasn't been over before, but you literally said he could stay as long as he wanted to. That's probably going to end up either 1, something going extremely wrong, or 2, him finding out about your blood color and culling you. It's fine, though, you just have to be super careful.</p><p>&gt; Karkat: troll sollux</p><p class="pesterlog">-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]</p><p class="karkat">CG: OK, WHAT I'M SAYING IS GOING TO SOUND SO FUCKING STUPID, BUT ERIDAN’S GOING TO BE AT MY HIVE FOR A WHILE. SO IF ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS, IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE OF HIM.</p><p class="pesterlog">-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --</p><p class="pesterlog">

</p><p class="sollux">TA: kk.</p><p class="sollux">TA: kk what the fuck.</p><p class="sollux">TA: i'm not goiing to get your a22 out of trouble agaiin. </p><p class="pesterlog">-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --</p><p>Haha great, this is great. You’ll just spend a while hanging out with Eridan and trying to avoid your certain doom. What could go wrong? Everything, that's what. There are literally so many things that could go wrong. He could find out your feelings, he could decide he actually hates you, he could decide to just straight up kill you, or, he could find out your blood color. You are quickly drawn out of your thoughts by your doorbell, oh fuck, he's here.  </p><p>&gt; karkat: open the door</p><p>You open the door to see a crying Eridan and a disappointed seahorse dad. God, he’s taking this worse that you thought. He seemed fine over trollian, but maybe that's just the limits of text based communication. Eridan's lusus makes sure he’s alright, and then leaves you two to your own devices.</p><p>You invite him in but instead of saying hi or something, he just runs up and hugs you. Ok, not the greeting you expected but alright. You really want to just shoosh him right now, to tell him that it will be okay and that you're here for him, but now isn't the best time for that. He just got out of a moirallegiance, and doing that would ABSOLUTELY be taking advantage of him. So, instead, you hug him back. A gesture that could absolutely be read as platonic, weather it's meant as one or not. You stand in the doorway to your hive, holding him and whispering reassurances in his ear. </p><p>“Um, i don't want to ruin the moment, but we are kind of just standing here with the door open. So do you want to come inside or not?” You say, a little more harsh than you meant it, but much more gentle than your regular tone so that maybe he can tell that you’re being sincere.</p><p>“Oh, yea, sorry” Eridan mumbles apologetically. </p><p>You can tell that he’s feeling slightly better, you can see it in the way he stopped crying and is now making a calm almost smile.</p><p>&gt;karkat: make him comfortable </p><p>Eridan had been over in the past, usually because he decided to be a dumba22 and got himself hurt, so he decided to just sit on the loungeplank, somewhat awkwardly. You go to the closet and pull out a few snuggleplanes and some pillows, because you two are going to watch movies until he feels better.</p><p>You sit down next to him, “so, do you want to talk about it?” you ask, trying to hold back the typical anger in your voice.</p><p>“Not really, I'd prefer to not think about her at all.” Eridan replies, looking up at you.</p><p>Ok, yeah that makes sense. “Ok um, what movie do you want to start with?” you ask. God, this is awkward.</p><p>“Oh!” He says, decaptchaloging a movie and some snacks.</p><p>You get a glance at the movie, it's one that you've already seen multiple times. The two of you get comfortable on the loungeplank and begin the movie.</p><p> </p><p>&gt;karkat: accidentally fall asleep</p><p>You were almost done with the movie when you began to drift off. Throughout the movie you two had talked, most of the conversations were just small talk and valid criticisms of the movie. Even though this movie is terrible, the scene where the usually tough purple blooded subjugglator confesses her pale feelings to small bronze blood always gets you. You fell asleep when the bronze blood is almost killed by an angry indigo blood, and would have died if it weren't for her moirail stepping in and killing the indigo and therefore saving her moiral.</p><p>&gt;karkat: be eridan</p><p>You cannot be eridan because eridan is also asleep. He had fallen asleep after the movie ended. He cleaned up all of the empty snack containers and turned the lights off, the sun was starting to come up anyways.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. in which the author does not know how to write dialog because he doesn't talk to people</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>oh no, shenanigans happen</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>&gt;karkat: have daymare</p><p>Mm, yep, doing that already. This specific one might just be one of the worst, especially considering recent events. In this one, you were being chased by an absolutely furious Eridan. He’s holding ahab's crosshairs, it's pointed right at you, you have no idea why he hasn't shot you yet. Eridan had figured out your blood color, you had accidentally gotten cut on something in your hive with Eridan watching, he was furious. As soon as he saw and had time to react, he pulled out the crosshairs and started chasing you. So yeah, now you’re running. You know that all your running will be useless because one, this is a dream, and two, you may be fast but he has much more stamina than you.</p><p>Just as you think that maybe you might be able to get away, Eridan is immediately standing over you, eyebrows furrowed and mouth moved into a snarl. He's absolutely terrifying. You’re backed into a corner. Just before he shoots you, you see a flash of recognition in his eyes, like he recognizes you as his friend, then his angered expression returns twofold. Just before Eridan's shot hits you, you wake up.</p><p>&gt;karkat: wake up</p><p>You wake up with a start. You’re panicking, claws digging into your shirt. Fuck. That's the most vivid daymare you've had in a while. Yeah, that's what it was, just a daymare. Still though, it felt so real, probably because something like that would absolutely happen in real life. You start to try and calm yourself, running your fingers through your hair would typically help in the past, and it's not like you haven't dealt with daymares before.</p><p>You force yourself to take steady breaths as you curl in on yourself, and you realize, oh no, someones moving. It took you until now to remember that Eridan Ampora, the man who was chasing you in your daymare, is in your hive. You feel a comfortably cold arm wrap around you.</p><p>“Shhhhh, its okay, im here, it wwas just a daymare.” Eridan reassures you.</p><p>His tone is soothing, and his wavy accent is oddly comforting. It's something you never thought you would be so comforted by. </p><p>“Hey, hey, kar, look at me. Look at me. It's okay, I'm here.” He whispers, wiping a hot tear from your eyes. </p><p>You bury your head in his shoulder. You shouldn't be doing this, you shouldn’t be letting him get this close, but it just feels right. You wouldn’t have expected his cold skin to be so comforting, but even through your thick sweater, its grounding. Eridan is like a lifeline, pulling you from the grasp of your daymare.</p><p>No. no, you shouldn't be doing this. You pull away from him, refusing to look at him.</p><p>“Better?” Eridan asks. You can hear genuine concern in his voice.</p><p>“Yeah, I am.” you whisper. That was a lie and you know it. You’re still terrified, because you know that something like that could still absolutely happen in real life. “Sorry that doesn’t normally happen”</p><p>Again, that was a lie, but Eridan seems to believe it and backs off. You want him to come back, to wrap his cold arms back around you and tell you that it's going to be okay, but it's selfish, and you know that. </p><p>&gt;Karkat: be Eridan </p><p>You are now Eridan Ampora and oh god, you just hugged Karkat Vantas. You literally just calmed him down after he had a daymare. I mean, it's obvious to everyone but Karkat that you’ve had a pale crush on him for a while. Hell, you two have been basically moirails in everything but name for almost a sweep. It's not like he’d reciprocate your feelings anyways, he’s probably only like this to stop you from causing harm, just like Feferi.   </p><p>Thinking back on it, Karkat seemed… oddly warm. You figured he was a lowblood, that much was pretty obvious, but he just felt, like, warmer than he was supposed to be. You decide to not think about that, it was probably just his thick sweater. Yeah, definitely that. It took you until now to realise that the two of you have been sitting in awkward silence for at least a few minutes while you’re just hypothesizing your friends blood color.</p><p>&gt;Eridan: be Karkat</p><p>You are now karkat, again, and oh. Just, oh. That's the only word you really have to sum up everything that you feel right now. You’re still shaken up by the daymare, but oh god that seemed pretty pale to me. Did that seem pale to him? Was that supposed to be pale? You too had been there for eachother in the past but you didn’t think that was any more than platonic. But this? This seems just so pale. Maybe you’re just reading too much into this. There could be a totally platonic explanation for this, right? Yes, there has to be. This stress that you’ve been putting yourself under is starting to make you feel genuinely sick.</p><p>“fuck, uh, make yourself comfortable ill be right back,” you say as an excuse to head to the ablution block.</p><p>Eridan looks somewhat shocked at your sudden breaking of the awkward silence, but makes a small noise of acknowledgement. On the way to the ablution block, you glance out of a window and notice that the sun is setting. Wow, were you really asleep for that long? Explains the daymare then. Oh well, no point in trying to sleep i guess. Not like you could anyways. As soon as you get to the ablution block, you remember that oh god, eridan ampora wiped a tear from your eye. He wiped a bright red tear from your eye. Maybe it wasn't that bad? It was dark so maybe it could be passed off as rust? Or maybe he didn’t see it? Yeah, it was dark in that particular block, so you just hope he didn't see it. </p><p>As soon as you get to the ablution block, you lock the door and look in the mirror. Fuck, you look like a mess. Your cheeks are stained red with now dry tears and your hair is a mess, more so than usual. You start by cleaning the red tears off of your face because you’re literally screwed if he sees that. Next, you fix your hair, not much, but just enough to not look like shit. God, what are you going to do about this? All you have done for the past few days is get yourself into a mess, so how are you going to get out of it? You could just suddenly act like you hate him, just long enough for him to start to leave you alone, but that would only hurt both of you. Because it hurts to be without him and it hurts to be without him. Or you could just tell him, that would probably get him to stop talking to you. Yeah, that's what you’ll do, you’ll confess your feelings and either he’ll reciprocate or he’ll hate you and never speak to you again.</p><p>You put your hand on the doorknob. You can do this. You got this. All you have to do is tell him. That's it. You open the door and begin down the hall. Your bloodpusher is racing. What if something goes wrong? What if he hates you more than you plan? What do you do if it feels the same? What if he kills you? Ok, calm down karkat, it's fine, just shut up. Ok, you’re making your way down the stairs, this is good. You haven’t tripped or otherwise made a fool of yourself. You’ve got this. In the living block now, ok so just dont fuck up.</p><p>&gt; karkat: confess</p><p>“Hey uh, fuck, okay. Um, can i talk to you?” oh yea, going so smooth karkat. Yes, you are doing so well that if he wasn’t already pale for you he sure is now. Obviously that was sarcasm, you are doing terribly. </p><p>“Sure, wwhats up?” oh no, he sounds uncomfortable. “Are you okay, you’vve been actin kinda strange,” fuck he’s worried about you. This shouldn't be going like this.</p><p>“Um yeah, its just that- FUCK.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ohhhhh cliff hanger</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>in which i still cannot write dialog</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>&gt; karkat: panic</p>
<p>Ok, doing that, because oh fuck, you are bleeding. </p>
<p>You’re frozen because oh god, you are bleeding in front of Eridan ampora. You got cut on something sharp sticking out. Now, you’re bleeding weird, and illegal, candy red blood. Ok, you’re facing away from him, maybe he didn't see. Your last little bit of hope is completely thrown out, when he rushes over to see if you're okay.</p>
<p>No. no. no. just, no. This is going to end terribly, for you at least. He's going to cull you the second he looks at you you can just feel it.</p>
<p>“Kar, kar, are you oka-” eridan stops the second he sees your blood. </p>
<p>This is it. This is the end. “Eridan,” you say. Maybe, just maybe, you can convince him to let you live. “Eridan, please, just, just, let me explain”</p>
<p>You can’t bring yourself to look at him, but you try to anyways. He’s less angry than you thought. Actually, he looks more shocked than anything. Before you have time to react anymore, you pass out, either from fear or the sight of your own blood.</p>
<p>&gt;karkat: be eridan </p>
<p>You are now eridan, as there is no one else for you to be at this point.</p>
<p>What. just….. What? Part of you wants to kill him, just leave him here to bleed out, it's what he deserves for being a mutant. But another part of you wants to help him, because he's your friend, he's kar. You decide to go with the latter, you can help him now and ask questions later. </p>
<p>&gt;eridan: help karkat</p>
<p>You decide to bandage him up before dragging him up to the recuperacoon. You decaptialauge some disinfectant and some bandages, dabbing the disinfectant on his wound. It's not even that large, just a small scrape, you assume he passed out due to the sight of his blood and not from blood loss. You hope anyways, you really don't know how lowbloods work.</p>
<p>Ok, now to drag him to the recuperacoon. You pick him up, he’s even smaller than you thought. He must have been through a lot, being a mutant and all, you have no clue how he’s survived this long. He’s so strong. Karkat has gone through so much, just to continue his existence. Any reasonable troll would see something wrong with that, but you’re almost proud of him. You guess there’s something wrong with your pan, as any other self respecting sea dweller wouldn’t hesitate to cull him on sight, but here you are being proud of him. So what are you going to do now? He’s probably going to get culled when you all go fuck off to space, so how are you going to help him? You mean you know he wanted to be a threshecutioner, he’s been training to be one for most of his life, but there is now way in hell that he’s going to be able to do that with his blood color. Wait, what was he going to tell you earlier? Was he going to tell you his blood color? Was he going to kick you out? Yeah, probably that. And that look on his face, he was terrified. Terrified of you. You guess that it makes sense. He’s a mutant, and you’re a sea dweller. You are quite literally genetically designed to destroy him. He’s lucky that you’re defective you guess.</p>
<p>You realize that you’ve just been standing in front of the recuperacoon like an idiot. You drop karkat into the recuperacoon, deciding to not undress him. That would just be weird. You’ll clean up anything you have to. He looks so peaceful, even coated in slime. His typical angry expression was replaced by his peaceful sleeping face, it was cute. Ok, you probably shouldn’t be staring at him, that's pretty weird. Sit across the room? Yeah, that's probably a good idea. That way you can keep a glance nugget on him. You decide on sitting on the floor.</p>
<p>&gt;eridan: check trollian</p>
<p>You check your palmhusk, you have messages from sollux and kanaya. oh, great, them. You really don't want to talk to them, actually you think you’d rather do literally anything else. You would rather scoop your ganderbulbs out with a rusty knife and then eat its than talk to them. So, you decide to just sorta sit here. Should you be here when he wakes up? What if you scare him? What if you’re not here when he gets up and he thinks you abandoned him? Should you leave him a note? Just like a ‘hey, yeah i'm not goin to cull you or harm you in any wway, if you need me i'm dowwnstairs,’ no, you want to be here.</p>
<p>So now that you’re just kinda sitting here, what are you going to do? Fall asleep you guess, because that is what happened.</p>
<p>&gt;eridan: be karkat</p>
<p>You cannot be karkat, he is unconscious. </p>
<p>Ok then.</p>
<p>&gt; karkat: wake up</p>
<p>You wake up. Wait, you wake up? You could have sworn that Eridan would have killed you, but you’re surprisingly still alive. You’re alive and covered in slime, he must have dragged you up to the recuperacoon. Why? Why did eridan let you live? He’s a literal sea dweller, he shouldn't have let you live, it goes against literally all of his instincts. Eridan is quite literally genetically meant to destroy anything that ruins the slurry. He's meant to destroy you. So then why did he let you live? Are you really that special to him?, Or is he only letting you live so he can torture you? So he can turn you in? What does he want from you? </p>
<p>Speaking of Eridan, where is he? You glance around your block, he's curled up in the corner, asleep. Ok. you guess that that gives you a little time to live before your demise, so you decide to wash all the slime off of you and change.</p>
<p>You quietly sneak off to the ablution block, quietly shut the door, and turn on the water. You look in the mirror, god you’re a mess of dried slime and fear. Wait, did eridan bandage your hand? Again, why? Why did he do that? You shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t have let you live. Ok, just get in the shower, you can ask him that later. As you shower, you can't help but think of eridan. Why did he let you live? Was him letting you live a sign of being pale for you, or are you just reading too much into it? Yeah, probably that. You’re probably just reading too much into this. Does he have any malicious intentions or did he genuinely want to help you? Ok, just focus on getting all of the dried slime off of you.</p>
<p>&gt; karkat: quit delaying the inevitable</p>
<p>Alright, you put your hand on the doorknob. All you have to do is open it, walk to your block, and face eridan. Yep. That's it, that's all you have to do. Just troll the fuck up and talk to him. Things will either go really badly, or great. Let's hope for great, prepare for the worst. Ok, you’ve got this. You take a few shaky breaths, and open the door. See, you’re doing it. Just continue down the hall and talk to him. It’ll be fine, you lie to yourself. This is likely going to be the opposite of fine but you’re just going to tell yourself that it will be fine. </p>
<p>Ok karkat, you’re outside of the door fuckhead, just open it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ok chapter cut short because otherwise it would be too long</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. oh boy, more shit happens</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i am so sorry this is so poorly written</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>&gt;karkat: open door</p><p>You open the door to your respite block to see that eridan is awake now, he’s sitting in the same corner doing something on his palmhusk. You decide to sit on the opposite side of the block, making sure you have your sickle captchalogued, just in case. Ok, now how are you going to start this conversation? Do you just say like ‘hey why the fuck did you let me live?’ or should you say ‘what the fuck do you want from me?’ or maybe you should just tell him to leave? No, if you did that he would either kill you or tell someone your blood color and that would absolutely be bad. </p><p>You decide to go with, “why?” ok, not too bad of a start. He doesn't look at you. Is he ignoring you? “Why the hell didn’t you cull me?” you say, louder this time so that maybe he heard you.</p><p>Eridan looks at you this time. He surprisingly doesn't seem hostile, which is unexpected because everything about him screams prime sea dweller designed to kill you and everything in his way. it’s comforting. This shouldn’t be  comforting. Why is this comforting to you? What the fuck is wrong with you? Ok, it doesn’t matter why its comforting, but it is reassuring to you that he isn't killing you. </p><p>&gt;eridan: answer his question</p><p>Ok, wow, you were expecting like, ‘hey uh thanks for not killing me dude,’ but you understand why karkat’s surprised. So then how do you respond to this? </p><p>“Wwell i, um,” ok you’re just going to do this. Just get it the fuck over with and then you both can be done with this mess “i pity you kar,“ he raises an eyebrow at you. “an’ i'm not just sayin that because you showwed me just an ounce a’ carin an’ im desperate. I’m genuinely pale for you, an’ after seein your blood color i just started to pity you just that little bit more,” </p><p>Karkat says nothing, so you decide to continue, “i-, Kar, i am just the palest of pale for you an’ alwways havve been. an’ i understand that noww is probably a terrible a terrible time for a confession but i wwanna get it out. So i promise that i wwont tell anyone your blood color, no matter wwhat.” you stop to take a breath because you realize that you’ve been ramballing. He continues to say nothing so you keep going, “an’ kar, i wwant to be able t’ protect you. Not that you need protectin its just that i'd be able to stop almost anyone who gets in your wway.” </p><p>Now that you’ve finished you can't bring yourself to look at him. You’ve made enough of a fool of yourself, you should probably leave.</p><p>You begin to walk out the door, possibly to never talk to Karkat again, when he grabs your wrist to stop you. God he's so warm.</p><p>“Hey, asshole, wait, fuck uh,” he stammers.</p><p>Great, just what you need, the insults. You genuinely cannot take this right now. Not only are you basically on the verge of tears, you genuinely can’t believe that he thought you would cull him. Has he no faith in you? You guess that you get it, he’s an illegal mutant and you’re a seadweller. Its natural that he would be afraid of you. But it still hurts.</p><p>Wherever, you arent going to take this. You leave without another word. You can hear karkat calling after you. </p><p>You don't respond.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>anyways, sorry that this is so short i promise the next one will be longer</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. oh god how you've fucked up havent you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ahaha angst time &gt;::)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>&gt;Karkat: deal with the consequences of your actions</p>
<p>What fucking consequences? Eridan’s the one who just confessed his feelings and left. Like what the hell dude? Who the fuck just does that?</p>
<p>Anyways, this wasn't supposed to go this way. You were supposed to confess to him, he was supposed to cull you. How have you fucked this up so badly? Wow, way to ruin your own life asshole! Now maybe he WILL cull you. Wouldn't that be just great? Just so absolutely superb. You should probably set things straight. Perhaps then he may show you some mercy. You won't admit it, but you’re absolutely terrified.</p>
<p>Oh well, you should probably wait until he gets back to his hive. So what to do in the meantime? You should probably clean, you didn't have much time to clean before eridan got here, and also there’s kind of a mess of snuggleplanes on the loungeplank.</p>
<p>As you clean, you can't help but think about how terrifying that was. Of course, your whole life has been pretty terrifying, but there was a sea dweller in your hive and he saw your bright red blood. And yet, you weren't actually that scared. Not as scared as you should have been. Even now, you’re mostly calm. You’re just sort of cleaning your hive, folding snuggleplanes, throwing away empty chip bags, cleaning messes from the nights before.</p>
<p>Ok, done. Eridans probably back at his have now, you should probably message him. You pull up trollian. You have a few unread messages, some from sollux, some from kanaya, some from terezi, some from feferi. Wait, feferi? What the hell does she want from you? Oh well, it really doesn't matter, although you might have some ideals. Ok, you can do it. Just message eridan.</p>
<p class="pesterlog">-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --</p>
<p class="karkat">CG: OK, LOOK, WE NEED TO TALK.</p>
<p class="eridan">CA: no kar</p>
<p class="eridan">CA: im not goin to sit here and listen to you insultin me </p>
<p class="karkat">CG: WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN TO ME?</p>
<p class="karkat">CG: SURPRISE SURPRISE, I'M NOT HERE TO JUST INSULT YOU.</p>
<p class="karkat">CG: NOW YOU ARE GOING LET ME FUCKING TYPE, AND *THEN* YOU CAN RESPOND.</p>
<p class="karkat">CG: WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY BEFORE YOU JUST UP AND FUCKING LEFT WAS THAT I FEEL THE SAME. THAT WAS ACTUALLY EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY BEFORE I JUST SORT OF PASSED THE FUCK OUT. AND I UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON’T FEEL THE SAME ANYMORE AND YOU WANT TO RETRACT YOUR CONFESSION, BUT JUST KNOW THAT IM PALE FOR YOU TOO ASSHOLE. </p>
<p class="eridan">CA: you're right</p>
<p class="eridan">CA: i don’t feel the same</p>
<p class="eridan">CA: maybe you should havve fuckin thought about that befor you up and fuckin insulted me after pourin my heart out to you</p>
<p>No, this isn't how this is supposed to go. Eridan is supposed to say that he feels the same and that he wants to be there for you and protect you. How did you fuck up this badly? Can you fix this? Probably not, but you’ll be damned if you don't try.</p>
<p class="karkat">CG: WAIT NO.</p>
<p class="karkat">CG: FUCK ERIDAN.</p>
<p class="eridan">CA: no</p>
<p class="eridan">CA: i'm not takin any excuses</p>
<p class="eridan">CA: ivve already had my bloodpusher fuckin crushed twwice</p>
<p class="eridan">CA: guess its time i do it to someone else</p>
<p class="pesterlog">-- caligulasAquarium [CA] has blocked carcinoGeneticist {CG} --</p>
<p>No. no, this isn't how this is supposed to go.</p>
<p>Try again? </p>
<p>yes. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is probably bad im tired</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>oh shit new chapter after like a month<br/>anyways sorry that the last chapter got so meta and shit</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>&gt;Karkat: deal with the consequences of your actions</p><p>What fucking consequences? Eridan’s the one who just confessed his feelings and left. Like what the hell dude? Who the fuck just does that? </p><p>Anyways, this wasn't supposed to go this way. You were supposed to confess to him, he was supposed to cull you. How have you fucked this up so badly? Wow, way to ruin your own life asshole! Now maybe he WILL cull you. Wouldn't that be just great? Just so absolutely superb. You should probably set things straight. Perhaps then he may show you some mercy. You won't admit it, but you’re absolutely terrified.</p><p>Oh well, you should probably wait until he gets back to his hive. So what to do in the meantime? You should probably clean, you didn't have much time to clean before eridan got here, and also there’s kind of a mess of snuggleplanes on the loungeplank. </p><p> </p><p>Actually, something feels off. </p><p>You should message him now.</p><p>You go up to your respite block. You have this disgusting feeling in your stomach that something bad would have happened if you had continued to clean.</p><p>Ok, its fine. Just message eridan. He isnt online but he’ll see it eventually.</p><p>-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --</p><p>CG: OK, I HAVE A REALLY BAD FEELING THAT SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN IF I DON'T DO THIS.</p><p>CG: SO, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I FEEL THE SAME WAY. I HAVE FOR A WHILE, AND WHILE I WAS *PLANNING* ON IGNORING YOU UNTIL THOSE FEELINGS WENT AWAY BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN’T FEEL THE SAME, THAT WAS PROVED TO BE PHYSICALLY FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE I GUESS. ACTUALLY, I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU THIS RIGHT BEFORE I PASSED THE FUCK OUT. SORRY ABOUT THAT BY THE WAY. I UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON’T FEEL THE SAME WAY ANYMORE, ALTHOUGH I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT. JUST UNDERSTAND THAT I'M SORRY FOR WHATEVER I DID TO CAUSE THAT.</p><p>CG: I GET IT IF YOU JUST WANT TO PRETEND THAT THIS NEVER HAPPENED AND GO BACK TO JUST BEING FRIENDS.</p><p>CG: JUST UNDERSTAND THAT I'M HERE FOR YOU, OKAY? </p><p>CG: OK, YOU AREN’T ONLINE SO I GUESS I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU ALONE UNTIL YOU RESPOND.</p><p>CG: OH AND THANKS FOR NOT, LIKE, MURDERING ME. </p><p>CG: ANYWAYS, BYE ERIDAN.</p><p>-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --</p><p>-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] -- </p><p>CA: kar</p><p>CA: wwait</p><p>CA: i uh</p><p>CA: i do still feel the same</p><p>-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --</p><p>CG: WHAT?</p><p>CG: YOU DO?</p><p>CG: AND YOU AREN'T JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE FEFERI LEFT YOU AND YOU’RE DESPERATE, RIGHT?</p><p>CA: no</p><p>CA: i would nevver</p><p>CG: OK, WELL YOU PROBABLY WOULD, BUT I”LL BELIEVE YOU.</p><p>CA: howw dare you insinuate that i would fuckin evver do that</p><p>CG: SHIT I WAS JOKING SORRY</p><p>CA: so wwas i</p><p>CG: OH.</p><p>CG:&lt;&gt;?</p><p>CA:&lt;&gt;</p><p>Yes. This feels right. </p><p>This is how it was meant to be. This is what is supposed to happen. Actually, now that you think about it, things have always felt right with Eridan. Maybe all the bulshit about moirails and fate isn’t fake. </p><p>CG: HEY, UH, SORRY BUT I HAVE SOME CLEANING TO DO. ARE YOU OKAY IF I GO?</p><p>CA; yeah, talk later</p><p>CG: YEAH.</p><p>CG: &lt;&gt;</p><p>-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --</p><p>-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --</p><p>CA: &lt;&gt; </p><p>-- caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --</p><p>This might just be the best result of a bad feeling you’ve ever had. I mean your life might still be bad, being an illegal mutant and all, but at least you have a strong as hell sea dweller to protect and help you. Eridan isn't your first moirail, but not only was he a terrible moirail who couldn’t even begin to comprehend your problems, you also didnt get this feeling with him. Things with eridan just feel….. Better. Nicer. Like it was meant to be. You’ve never believed in fate, and maybe you still don't, but now you understand why people might.</p><p>Ok, well, cleaning time. </p><p>You prefer to keep your hive clean, especially considering you rarely leave for safety reasons, but even if that weren't the case, you would clean anyways. As you clean, you cannot help but think that you’re finally doing something right for once. </p><p> </p><p>You did something right for once.</p><p>&gt;karkat: check trollian.</p><p>Oh, that's right, you had unread messages. You understand why sollux, kanaya, or terezi would message you, but what the hell does feferi want?</p><p>-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --</p><p>CC: S)(ello karkrab.</p><p>CC: I sea you aren't online, but I do think it's important to tell you this. </p><p>CC: Look, I know you and -Erifin are close, and I just want for you to be careful.</p><p>CC: )(e can be dangerous, and i do not want for you or anyone else to get )(urt. </p><p>CC: Just look out for )(im, okay?</p><p>--cuttlefishCuller [CC] has ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]</p><p>Ok now what the fuck.</p><p>You don’t need feferi looking out for you, you are perfectly able to take care of your fucking self. Feferi wasn’t even that good of a moirail and you don’t know why she thinks she was so good at helping eridan, all she ever did was baby him and undermine his emotions. You remember all of the times eridan came to you because he knew feferi wouldn’t help. Yeah it's kind of a shitty thing to do when you already have a moirail, but it's not like she was going to help him.</p><p>Oh well, for once, you don’t actually feel like arguing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>will do the pesterlogs later i am tired</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>!!!! i fixed the pesterlogs!!!<br/>this is my first fic so any feedback in appreciated</p></blockquote></div></div>
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